Film 71 - The Expendables III

The Expendables III - 19/08/2014 (with guest review)

People have Madonna, Adele, Mariah Carey and the likes as their guilty pleasures, mine has to be The Expendables.  I am a massive fan of the one man army 80's/90's action films that pitted our lovable heroes such as Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, or Russell against insurmountable odds and yet they still came through at the end.  The Expendables franchise for me opitimises that era and as terrible as the films are (and I know how bad they are), I just can't help but love them.

I ventured to the cinema with fellow 80s nostalgia fans, The Film Lord (GotG review) and Roshtakular (Hercules review), The Excitables,  fully aware of how terrible the third outing was going to be.  A couple of hours later we were in the car park laughing at many of the lines, puns and throwbacks from the film so in my opinion it did what it needed to.

The opening scene has to be one of the best opening actions sequences for a long time and really set the tone, but I was a little shocked that the 15 certificate had been lowered to a 12a and the practical explosions seemed to be replaced with CGI.....I started to wonder if they had lost the intentions of the first two films.

After a mission goes awry and a blast from the past emerges, Barney (Stallone) decides to disband the Expendables for fear of losing any more of his dear friends.  He then hires the help of Dr. Frasier Crane to enlist a group of "Expendakids".  A group of mixed martial artists, computer hackers and loose cannons to help take down his nemesis.  As you can imagine things do not go according to plan and Barney has to re-recruit his band of brothers to save the younglings and save the day.

There are certain points in this film that completely went against everything the Expendables stands for.  It is a film for expendable actors, who once in their prime can now only truly relive their hay day by starring in this franchise.  The puns and quotes from their films raised the biggest laughs, seeing Stallone and Schwarzenegger on screen together always makes me smile, and Snipes and Banderas are just brilliant and steal the show in some cases.  Spending 30 minutes with the Expendakids, a group of people I really didn't care about, know or want to know was a real downer for me and although the recruiting scenes were just Stallone back catalogues, I just wanted to see more of the old wrinklies (there are definitely more wrinkles in this film than a shar pei anti-aging convention), and the CGI explosions really started to annoy as they were so obvious and badly done.

I don't think Mel Gibson had really understood the film though as his acting was superb, one of his best performances to date.  He put his heart and soul into the role and it really showed.  Robert Davi (The Goonies and Die Hard) makes a cameo appearance that I think would be far better suited to Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman), who is sadly missed from the whole franchise and would make the perfect bad guy.

I have heard there may be a spin off from this franchise called the Expendabelles (an all female team lead by Signorney Weaver), and Expendables IV, I know how bad these films will be, but I will be there for more of the same. Just let John McTeirnan, Richard Donner or John Woo direct them.  

Hearing Schwarzenegger shout the immortal quote from Predator is probably the best line in film this year!

#GetToTheChopper! 

Guest Review - The Film Lord

“The 80s action movie” say that to any film fan over the age of 30 and it needs no explanation. For me the 80s is the greatest decade film has seen and it’s the era where the action genre shone brightest, the era of big muscles, big explosions and big egos.

The Expendables series is Stallone bringing the band back together for a greatest hits tour and after watching their opening night I had no interest in going back for more, but then……

AUGUST 19^th 2014……OMG I was wrong

After skipping Expendapuns 2 (sorry) I need to go back. Expendables 3 is everything I wanted the first time around. The plot is simple; after a mission goes awry leading to one of the team fighting for his life Barney Ross (Stallone) sets out to recruit a new youthful group to bring down former Expendable gone bad Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson).

Right from the start the opening action scene is a standout, a moving train prison break leading to a harbour car chase, this alone is better than the majority of 3^rd act set pieces you’ll find in most CGI laden action films today, along with an end sequence that plays like a 80s checklist, I’m still smiling. Keeping that smile on my face are the puns, I’m a guy who loves a good pun this along with the constant call backs had me in stitches “I’m the knife before Christmas” “I am the Hague” “get to the chopper” are just some of the lines used which I’ll still be referencing 30 years from now.    

Then there’s the new guys (no not them) Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas and Mel Gibson. For me they make this film, Banderas alone who’s clearly having too much fun playing his part steals the entire movie. Gibson on the other hand, well it’s a shame he’s pretty much killed his career in Hollywood because as proven here he really is a great actor with a screen presence not many others have.

I’m not going to pretend this is a good film. The CGI is poor, the action is choppy, the acting is appalling in places and sidelining the original cast to spend 30 minutes with the Expendakids (thanks Danny) only to make them rescue fodder is pointless, but that’s missing the point. As I said at the beginning this is these guys greatest hits, solely here for nostalgia reminding us of a style of movie that isn’t made anymore and I for one loved it.

As Pondo said in his review after the film finished we spent the next few minutes in the car park laughing and recounting all the memorable quotes/puns from the movie………

That’s classic 80s.